Rating: R for disturbing themes
Written For: My baby sister -- karli4eva221
Notes: Much thanks to my always amazing beta, storydivagirl.
The last thought April has, as she slips into the warmth of unconsciousness, is of the first time she met Roger.
April didn't want to go to the club with her friends. It wasn't her scene, she protested. She had scored some high quality smack and wanted to stay home, get high and listen to her old Janis Joplin albums. But they cajoled and begged and pleaded until she finally relented.
His voice hit her like a lightning bolt. She had never heard anything that electrified her the way the singer on stage did. His eyes smoldered with a look that was pure sex and once they met hers, they never strayed far.
After the show, she told her friends to head out without her.
She is unaware of the tears streaming down her face while she watches the tub fill with water. Tepid water is best, she remembers reading somewhere. Once the tub is at what seems to be the right level, she stands in front of the mirror and strips off her clothes. She barely recognizes the girl staring back. The sunken cheeks, dark-ringed eyes and heavily marked arms certainly don't belong to her.
The first few weeks she dated Roger were the cleanest April had since she first discovered the sweet allure of heroin. She liked Roger and she didn't want him to see her addictions. He wanted to spend as much time with her as possible and that limited her opportunities to buy and use.
Until the day he asked if she wanted to get high together.
Granted, Roger's idea of high was smoking a bowl. But April knew that marijuana really was the gateway drug and she figured if she played her cards right, she could get Roger to accept her, addictions and all.
It takes her almost a half an hour to write the note. She writes and discards more notes than she can count, her wrist cramping from gripping the pen so tight. Finally she settles on We've got AIDS and burns the rest in the sink so Roger can never read them.
It only took a few weeks for April to convince Roger to try snorting coke. She told him that it would give him a blast of energy and creativity for performing and writing songs. She told him that some of the greatest writers in history had written some of their best works while under the influence of cocaine.
Within weeks, Roger was so hooked that he couldn't even go to rehearsals with his band without snorting a couple of lines.
Convincing him to take the leap from cocaine to heroin was much easier. April almost felt guilty for turning him onto her addiction, but her guilt was outweighed by her pleasure at not having to hide who she was anymore.
She is alone when the doctor gives her the death sentence. It's her choice; she hasn't told anyone about feeling ill, about going to the free clinic, about the tests the doctor insisted on running. He asks her if there's anyone he can call when she breaks down in tears. She tells him no.
The guilt slams her as she steps out into the warm sunshine. The street is bustling with businessmen on cell phones, hookers peddling their trade, kids playing hopscotch and homeless people begging for money. April doesn't notice any of them as she walks down the street to the drug store.
She buys a pack of razor blades, a notebook and a pen, then goes to sit in the park for a few hours until she knows that the apartment is empty. She knows that she can't live with the guilt of what she did to Roger.
Roger had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach all day. He didn't want to go to rehearsal until April got home from wherever she was, but they had a really important gig coming up and he knew his band mates would never forgive him if he was late or didn't show. This could be the break they had been waiting for.
He was in a good mood when he walked into the apartment. He noticed April's purse on the coffee table and sat on the couch, waiting for her to finish in the bathroom so he could give her the good news.
Mark and Collins walked in almost immediately behind him and the three started chatting. Fifteen minutes later, Roger realized that April hadn't come out of the bathroom yet and he pushed the door open to check on her, unaware that his world was about to come crashing down.